Darkness and then Light…

Well, it’s really hard to believe I am finally writing this.  I have been resisting doing a blog since my  diagnosis in 2006.  Frankly, it just seemed like another “cancer” thing to do.  I’m not sure why I have finally surrendered to it.  I don’t feel that enough people talk about the emotional side of cancer. It’s easy to talk about the physical limitations, but it takes courage to face your emotions, and even more courage to talk about them. So, I will start at the very beginning.

When I was diagnosed, I was alone.  I had been going to my family physician for over a year and he had misdiagnosed me with colitis.  After 2 ct scans he came in the room and told me I was correct…something was, in fact, wrong, very wrong.  CANCER!  The cancer had spread in many places.  Soon after that day, my depression began.  I think I had held it together for just so long and kept so busy with family and work.  It was as if the world collapsed and I fell in a very dark hole.  I had worked in the mental health field for many years and thought I knew a little about depression.  I was wrong.  I had almost no control over the darkness.  It was like an alien had taken over my body and I was somewhere living outside of my own body.  My personality traits went to the extreme opposite end.  For example, I had always been very independent and stubborn.  Now, I only felt afraid and withdrawn.  Although I had so many wonderful friends and family surrounding me, I felt so alone.  I would allow only a few people to visit.  I could not bear to hear about their normal life.  I just wanted my life back.  And most of all, I didn’t want to die…

Sound familiar?

Yes, I was in the darkness…but I’m happy to say I’m no longer there! I have decided not to settle for less than a life full of joy. I can honestly say I look forward to each day! I will be sharing with you the things I do and the “places” I have been in order to make this change and, most importantly, we will help each other each day.

This will be a safe place for you and me to share our true feelings and to be there for each other. May this be full of laughter, tears, and everything in between!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Julie Yip-Williams

My cancer fighting journey

We Are Travel Girls

Sharing Your Travel Stories!


Two people travelling one world


Flying By the Seat of My Points

Grieve Well

Evidence-Based Bereavement Grief Coping Strategies. Scientific research has identified many behaviors and attitudes that can potentially help reduce the severity and duration of grieving symptoms.

Two Sleevers

High Protein, Low Carb Recipes for Better Health

The Musings of a Cancer Research Advocate

It's All About the Evidence...


EVEN if...


living with cancer

Emma's fight against MDS

My battle against the blood cancer MDS


A Keto Lover in a Carb Driven World


Embracing the Thirties Life Crisis

Heart of a Country Home

Southern and Low Carb Recipes from a Country Kitchen

My Table of Three

Pull up a chair and grab a cup of coffee while we share some good recipes, laughs and more!

She Calls Me Hobbit

It's Low Carb, High Fat...not Lousy Cooking, Horrible Flavor. Hobbit and Keto Iron Chef have joined forces!

You Season With Love

Exploring a mostly whole foods, mostly allergen free diet

Health as a Human Right

Discussing a Broad Range of Health Topics

%d bloggers like this: