prefer funky to funk…
I continue to believe the hardest part of writing a blog about emotions is sharing the very personal, “downer” emotions I experience. I thought long and hard about this when I was considering writing a blog and decided that I would need to commit to being transparent to my readers. Well, this post is one of them. A little history of why this is so hard for me. I am a hibernator when I feel discouraged. I’m not a very good “phone chatter” anyway and even worse when I am down. I really can’t think of things to say to others and find that my conversations are either awkward or I try to act like things are what they aren’t and that’s pretty much impossible for me. So, I just retreat. Do any of you experience this?
Like so many survivors, I have the added pressure (that I put on myself) of remembering that every day is so incredibly precious and that wasting any time is a no-no. That ‘ole positive attitude myth doesn’t help me at all on days like this.
Why am I feeling low? Who knows? I know I’m a warm weather gal and convinced my mood will lift when this cold passes. Between the polio and avastin side effects , I can get pretty darn tired of aches. A lot of my funk is missing my sweet friend, Ruth. She could always make me smile and we spent so much time together. So many people have told me that I need to find a balance in being around “cancer.” I know that losing so many friends is difficult. I have worked hard on this; however, I have found that lately I’ve spent more time giving and less about receiving. Plus, there’s so much that needs to be done if I am going to find a cure for cancer in my lifetime 🙂
Well, that’s me opening my heart up today. What’s going on in yours…
- Posted in: depression