Today my guest post is written by someone I admire very much. She is a model for those of us that don’t have a strong faith foundation. Sharon is also the founder and leader of Fighting Cancer, Inc. If you are interested in helping by sending items for her Sunshine Boxes for the chemo room, just leave a message below. Welcome, Sharon!
When Patsy asked me to be a guest blogger I was quite honored. When she told me the subject I got a little nervous – how my faith has helped me through the cancer ordeal. For one thing, I, like Patsy, have determined to always be honest about my emotions when sharing them with others. I really wish I could say that I have held strong in my faith and it has totally sustained me and I have never been discouraged. But that absolutely is not real. The truth is, It has kept me going and given me hope, but there have been times I have lost sight of it and have been very discouraged, downright despairing at other times. But the difference is I have the anchor of my belief in God, and the fact that He is in control of everything, including what I am going through, and that He wants what is best for me. Does that mean I know I will be healed? No. Some Christians, who I suppose are trying to “help,” have caused anger and frustration when they imply that if I have enough faith I will be cured, or that I shouldn’t “claim” the disease (like not saying I have it will mean I don’t?? Give me a break.) I believe they mean well, but they do not have a very Biblical approach. God does not anywhere guarantee perfect health or freedom from pain, physical or emotional. He does promise to walk through those times with those who trust in Him, and that He will “love us with an everlasting love” (Jer. 31:3) I have, in fact, had some things happen that have been truly miraculous healings, but the cancer returned again (twice) and I still deal with it. At one time my kidneys stopped functioning due to an adverse reaction to the CT scan. I was in the ER all night, in horrible pain, some of the worst I have ever experienced, but they started again on the own. The ER doctor and my doctor. both said that just “doesn’t happen.” But it did. God touched my kidneys and made them work again. And there was the CT scan right before my first surgery where my doctor told me it looked like a dandelion exploded inside of me, there were so many tumors he couldn’t even count them all; yet, after surgery he told me that they were almost all gone when he opened me up. What happened in the interim? People praying for me. That’s it. No chemo or other treatment. He chose to touch me and bring about partial healing. But He doesn’t always intervene in such wonderful ways. I sometimes feel like every complication that could happen has happened to me. Most recently it was a blood clot caused by my port malfunctioning. So now I feel like I live with both a slow-ticking bomb (cancer) and a faster-ticking bomb (the clot, which I’ll have for about 2-3 months before it is absorbed into my body). But I do not live in fear of what will happen because I know ultimately I will spend eternity in Heaven, not because I am a good person, by any means, but because I have put my trust in Christ, and the Bible is very clear that the future for a believer is Heaven. But at the same time, I do not want to go yet! I have a wonderful life right now. I have great friends, many of whom I have met because of cancer. I have a wonderful family who is very supportive. I have my best friend, my daughter, who has been amazing through all of this. So the bottom line is that I still struggle with all the feelings of despair and depression and occasionally the “why me,” plus the guilt of feeling like I don’t live my days to the fullest too often and that I should be appreciating every minute. But underneath everything I have a solid foundation of faith in God and that is what keeps me above water many days when I feel like I am sinking.
- Posted in: Faith