When Some Things Don’t Really Matter but Husbands do…

Today I left home early for a scheduled lab draw appointment, CT scan, Doctor’s appointment, treatment.  This is the normal for cancer survivors in the Cancer World.  I was on my way and uptown in rush hour traffic just sitting at a light in my compact civic hybrid, waiting to turn.  SURPRISE!! Suddenly, a large Expedition SUV slammed into my bumper.  The driver came up to my window (there was no place to really exit my car since I was on an uptown street), checked to see if I was hurt and started begging me not to call the police.  This guy was desperate, telling me it would be a major problem for him.  To make a long story short, I reiterated that I was calling the police for sure, assumed he had no license but to give me other information.  He then went back to his car and left the scene.  I tried to see his plate number but could only get part of it.  The police came, were very polite but no help at all finding him.  So, I drove myself to the emergency room due to pain in my neck, shoulders, and back. Thankfully, nothing was broken and I’m just very sore and achy but have some great meds.   Due to the fact I have post polio and joint issues from my cancer drug, the impact is a real pain  (sorry, had to say that).

After my morning experience I asked myself why I was so cool and calm.  I realized that all the work I have done to decide what is important is actually working.  Again, this takes a lot of work and does not happen quickly.  I allow myself to worry about very little.  My mantra is that “if it ain’t cancer, it ain’t a worry.”  I find it very liberating to live life this way, not waiting for the next shoe to drop. Cancer survivors must find strategies like this because we have such limited energy and can deplete it quickly.  I constantly assess how to spend my time.  For me, it is a cherished gift and honored beyond belief.

Today it was especially easy to know what matters.  This was the 30th wedding anniversary for Steve and me. Steve has been a rock for me in so many ways I could write a book.  His sense of humor is something I love beyond words.  Since my diagnosis in 2006, he has done so many things for me, both physically and mentally, to keep me going.  I often feel a sadness for survivors that do not have the incredible support that I have had from a partner. I have been blessed way beyond what I deserve and consider it unbelievable that I was given such a cherished gift.  So, today, it’s obvious to me what matters and I look forward to many more wonderful years with such a special guy. I love you, Steve…

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